Have you ever dated a man where you just couldn’t stop thinking about him?
When you look back, you realize that he wasn’t perfect, but at the time, it seemed like he was the title track from Keyshia Cole’s “Sent From Heaven” album?
Every time he called, you’d feel butterflies in your stomach
Everything he said seemed witty
Every time he looked at you or touched you, your hormones went south?
You’ve never had such a connection before and, truly, it felt amazing.
You crave such a connection again.
Now that you know that such intense feelings are possible, so why would you look for anything less in a future partner?
Sadly, that’s the thinking that causes you to make consistently bad relationship decisions.
And that’s what I wanna talk about
My job as your dating coach is to help you make more effective decisions in love.
To cut through all the B.S. and give you a clear, objective framework on how to meet men, attract men, understand men and keep the best one in your life.
You may be beautiful and have men fawning all over you wherever you go.
You may be smart and cultured and can hold your own with any man in a game of verbal banter.
You may be kind and generous to your loved ones – and be the greatest girlfriend of all time.
And NONE of this will matter if you don’t understand what I’m about to tell you.
Your entire life, you’ve most likely been basing your dating decisions on these 2 questions:
How much do I like him? How attracted am I to him?
I’m not putting you down. Most women do the same.
But exactly what has that accomplished for you?
Has it helped you find lasting love?
No, it has not.
What it’s done is gotten you a few men like the one at the top of the email. You know, the guy who is so incredibly attractive that he’s almost like a drug.
Unfortunately, the problem with this level of attraction is this:
Whenever you’ve been intoxicated with a man, it’s impossible for you to see him clearly, to assess his downside, to figure out what your life will look like when the drug wears off.
This is how you end up in toxic relationships.
You’d think that these kinds of experiences would make you want to avoid these types of men in the future.
But it doesn’t.
No, once you have a taste of the drug, it just makes you want it more.
It makes you want to find a man who is JUST as intoxicating as the one who broke your heart.
Except in your fantasy, the drug NEVER wears off, and you live happily ever after.
He’s ALWAYS going to be funny and brilliant.
You’re ALWAYS going to feel butterflies.
Your relationship will ALWAYS be like this.
Sorry, but that’s not how true love works.
You’ve been on the planet long enough to hear the truth.
So here goes:
If you want to get different results than you’ve gotten in the past, you have to take different measures. Right?
Okay, so if the primary criteria you’ve used in the past for choosing men has always been: How much do I like him? How attracted am I to him?
If you ask the right questions, you’ll get the right answers.
So what are the right questions? I’m glad you asked.
Here they are:
How much does he like ME? How SAFE do I feel around him?
WTF? Safe? Am I under attack? LOL.
Calm down, this is the recipe to long-term happiness, and all you have to do is follow the very simple directions above.
But please, don’t misunderstand me:
I did not say that you shouldn’t be attracted to a man
I didn’t say that you shouldn’t like a man.
I said that your decision making criteria for assessing whether a man is a good long term bet should be based around these two questions:
How much does he like ME?
How SAFE do I feel around him?
If he likes you a LOT, he’s more likely to treat you well, communicate and commit.
And if he likes you a lot and DOESN’T treat you well, communicate and commit, then you won’t feel very safe around him.
Dump him in search of another guy who likes you a lot AND makes you feel safe.
Without those two things, you can never have a successful long-term relationship.
What do you think of my thoughts today? Challenging? Eye-opening? Frustrating?
I’d like to know your thoughts.