There are times, though, when we women just get cold feet in a relationship and want to end a good thing because we’re frightened. Maybe we’re frightened that we’ll fall in love and he’ll break our heart, or maybe we’re afraid we don’t deserve someone that good to us. Let me put your mind at ease on two things. First, you DO deserve someone who will be good to you, no matter what your past is. Second, part of falling in love is facing the fear of rejection by the one you’ve given your heart to. Yes, it’s frightening, but it’s not guaranteed it’ll end badly.
There are some relationships that do end badly however, and some reasons that genuinely merit a break-up. If your boyfriend has done any of the following things on this list, then you are well within your rights to dump his ass and move on to someone better. Here’s the list, ladies.
#1 HE LIED TO YOU
I’ve never met a person (man or woman) who didn’t tell their lover a little white lie once in a while. Maybe he said he was at the gym, but he was really out having a beer and pizza with his buddies, or maybe he skipped work to play golf, but said he had a hell of a day at the office. These are nothing. While certainly cringe-worthy and you should make him sleep on the couch, they’re not deal breakers.
A lie that hurts you in any way is a deal breaker. If he lies about who he was with last night, lies when you know he took your money, likes about anything that could be physically or mentally damaging, or could genuinely ruin your trust in him, then dump him. Once a man tells that kind of lie, he’s likely to do it again.
#2 HE CHEATED ON YOU
If your man cheated on you, and you have evidence and not just some half-baked theory, then you should definitely get rid of him and find yourself a faithful guy. Now, I’m not one to judge because we’re only human, and there are sometimes you really can work through an episode of cheating. However, if he’s a chronic cheater with no intention of changing then you would be doing yourself a huge favor by finding someone better.
#3 HE’S NEVER SUPPORTIVE
Any man who doesn’t support your dreams and ideas is not worth having around. I don’t care if you tell him you are thinking of going to space camp, that man had better back you up one hundred percent! Why? Loving couples support each other. Loving couples encourage each other. Don’t be with a man who won’t encourage you to be yourself.
#4 THERE’S TOO MUCH DRAMA
Does he get into bar fights every other weekend? Does he have three other baby mommas who call him day and night or come knocking on your door? Does the drama llama follow him around? Nobody has time for that sort of thing. You don’t need that in your life – let that man and his drama go!
#5 HE LIKES TO FIGHT
If you are with a man who instigates a fight or provokes you purposefully in order to get you all riled up, then you’re in for a lot of heartache. There really are some men who love the argument and who thrive on the anger. You cannot stay with this kind of man and be happy.
#6 HE’S ALWAYS DEPRESSED
Everyone gets the blues once in a while. I’m known for seasonal depression and I get really depressed during my monthly flow, but I do bounce back up and become normal again (which is what most people do).
However, if you’re with a man who is chronically depressed and refuses to seek help for it, then you have to leave the relationship. His depression will eventually drag you down with him, but more importantly, by staying with him you’re encouraging him to continue not seeking help. It’s a tough call, but you can’t stay with someone who is unhappy forever.
#7 HE’S A DRUG/ALCOHOL ADDICT
This rarely changes, and you don’t want to be with someone who uses all your money to support his addiction.
#8 HE’S LAZY
Men who are inherently lazy will never change, and you can’t expect them to. You can wish he’d change, you can yell and scream and fight with him about his lack of job and lack of responsibility around the house, but he won’t change. Just get rid of his lazy ass now so you only have to worry about cleaning up after yourself.
#9 HE’S VERBALLY/EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE
Many women don’t see the signs of verbal and emotional abuse, so if your friends are worried about you or are concerned by the way he talks to you then you need to take notes and listen to them. This guy won’t change and it won’t get better. It will actually get much, much worse. Leave him.
#10 HE’S PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE
LEAVE HIM AND DON’T LOOK BACK! DO IT NOW!
#11 THE SEX IS BAD (I MEAN REALLY, REALLY BAD)
Okay, I hate to write this one because we all want to be able to say a relationship “isn’t about the sex,” but let’s be honest with each other, ladies, it is, isn’t it? Any healthy relationship has a healthy dose of sex to go along with it, but if your man is bad in bed (wrong penis size, inability to use it, doesn’t do his job in the foreplay department, etc.) and you’ve honestly TRIED to teach him to be better at it, but he refuses, you reserve the right to dump him. A good man will always try to make the sex amazing for YOU (and a smart man knows that when you’re happy in bed, he’s going to get laid more often!).
#12 HE USES YOUR MONEY
A real man makes his own money; he doesn’t’ sponge off you. This guy is not only lazy, but he’s also a user. Get rid of him.
#13 YOU HAVE DIFFERENT GOALS FOR THE FUTURE
On a more serious note, one valid reason to break up with someone is that you have different ideas about the future. If he wants two kids and a house in the suburbs, but you want to travel the world nomadically, then you probably won’t be compatible in the future. There are some things that cannot be compromised.
#14 YOU HAVE DIFFERENT IDEAS ON COMMITMENT
This one has been a particularly painful thorn in my side for the last few guys I’ve dated. Men who want to date you but don’t want to get to close are not worth dating. Men who want to be friends with benefits are never officially going to date you, and men who want an “open relationship” are classic cheaters who don’t want the guilt of “cheating” on you. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if there are any real monogamous men left in the world. Anyway, any of the above ideas on relationships are just boys who don’t want to grow up; dump him (preferably before you sleep with him).
#15 HE’S A NASTY PERSON
You cannot change a man’s personality, and if he’s the kind of man who is rude to people, doesn’t tip the waitresses, calls girls in short skirts a sl*t when he sees them, or is otherwise a nasty person of any sort then he’s not going to change and you really don’t want to date him. While he might be nice to you now, this level of nastiness will eventually become part of YOUR relationship and you’ll hate him for it. Do yourself a favor and end it now before your relationship gets nasty.
#16 HE’S A NARCISSIST
You cannot possibly want to date a man who’s in love with himself, could you? Ladies, let me tell you something I recently learned. If a man thinks so highly of himself that he’d rather go clothes shopping for HIM than go to the event YOU had planned together weeks in advance then he’s never going to love you as much as he loves his mirror.
One of my exes is the most narcissistic person I’ve ever met and even now I get a little nauseated when I remember he broke up with me by email saying he “likes his women younger and more petite.” As if! I still can’t believe I let him see me naked. Get rid of him, honey, before the urge to hit him with your car wins out!
#17 HE HAS PETER PAN SYNDROME
I have absolutely nothing against a guy who nerd games or collects action figures. After all, men will always love their toys! However, if your man makes you his mother instead of his hot momma then he definitely has Peter Pan syndrome.
There are some men who cannot do anything on their own. They have to have your approval and opinion on every little thing. This is annoying, but usually harmless.
However, there are some men who are eternal frat boys who get completely wasted every weekend, rely on you to help them financially, and can’t hold a steady job. These are the Peter Pan guys. They’re usually lacking in the commitment department as well because commitment means being a grown-up. You want a man, not a boy. Get rid of him.
#18 YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE “SETTLING”
Here’s a tricky one. It is legitimate to break up with someone when you feel as if you’re “settling” for the wrong reasons. If you’re with a man who mistreats you, hurts you, uses you, or degrades you, then yes, you’re settling and you need to let him go.
If you’re with a man who’s okay to you, not bad but not good either, then you’re also settling for less than you deserve. Love should never be about “settling.” Love should be fireworks and light; it should be outstanding! When the sparks fade away, there’s a level of comfort and care, but you should never feel like there’s something better out there. If you feel that way then you’re hurting yourself as well as the man you’re with by staying in the relationship.
On the other hand, don’t confuse cold feet with feelings of settling; you really need to look inside yourself to be sure you’re making the right choice on this one.
#19 YOU’RE BEING SMOTHERED
If you feel as if you can’t breathe in a relationship then you should definitely get out of it. There’s no reason you have to be with a man who must know your every move, be with you night and day, texts you constantly when you’re out with the girls, or insists on being a part of everything in your life. While it sounds nice on the surface, in reality people need breathing room. You’re in a relationship; you’re not welded together at the hip with your partner. Don’t stay if you feel like you’re being smothered.
#20 IT’S NOT LOVE
There is never a reason to stay in a relationship if you know in your heart that it’s not love. The love of two people makes a relationship, not just the love of one. So if one of you isn’t in love, then it’s time to leave.
Now tell us, are you in a relationship you need to get out of?